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But I’ve been changin’ November 30, 2006
I always vow to post more and that never works. However, I’m trying again. I’m going to start adding some Realtime Reporting information just for general knowledge so people don’t think “wtf” when they stumble upon my site. Like they won’t anyway… Plus, it’s sort of my job to make people more aware of the growing technology to help the hearing impared communicate and function. In the past 4 months it’s become so clear that this is the right field for me to be in. There are so many options with the degree and training that I will be getting. And most importantly, I can make a difference in people’s lives in tiny ways and in huge ways.
I’ve been driving 45 minutes-1 hour to and from school since August and being in a full 2-year program it’s just not going to work anymore. I currently live in the middle of nowhere, I have to drive at least 30 minutes to even work if I had a job. I checked out some apartments and ended up loving the place right across the street from the campus! We are signing the contract this weekend and I’m so happy. It has a gym, two pools, wonderful staff… I love everything about it.
Right now things couldn’t be going better because… I passed my final exam on Tuesday! We had to pass a common word list at 50 wpm before the end of the semester and much to my surprise, I did it. I’m on my way! Now I just have to focus on the last medical terminology test.
Blah. More soon, I promise!
Blue Christmas November 26, 2006
I’m listening to Christmas music and it’s 70 degrees outside. 
I was really wary that I would have any Christmas spirit at all this year. I forced myself to at least put up my small, fiber-optic tree (I could stare at it for hours) and I feel better. Elvis Christmas music makes me smile and dance around.
I’m not ready for this sort of thing November 23, 2006
It is freezing at school. Honest to god, the temperature averages from about 62 to 65 and we are there all day long! We sit in class bundled up in our winter coats, scarves and (soon) gloves. The stupid thermostat is controlled by a computer at the main campus and after complaining a million times, they finally told us that nothing will be done about it. They’re trying to save energy. The really stupid part is that it’s 75+ in the computer lab in the mornings and then the heat goes off completely. Whatever, we’re going to petition and write letters…not like it will do any good. But how do they expect us to learn anything when we might as well be sitting outside? Blah.
Tomorrow…today is Thanksgiving. I can’t believe it. I should be sitting around drinking coffee with my aunt and the rest of my family in a warm house, talking about where we are going shopping on Friday and what we’re going to cook. But instead, I will never spend another holiday with my aunt, my parents are seperated – yes, I said seperated. To add to the fucking drama in my life lately, my dad moved out a few weeks ago. I honestly don’t know if he’ll ever more back in. Thanksgiving is just going to be stress probably. Whenever he’s at home mom is just curt with him. Not that I blame her at all… I’m ready to crawl into a hole until after New Years.
I leave for Washington on the 14th at 5am and I wish I could say that I wouldn’t be coming back.
I sound so down but I’m really okay, I promise. I’m just scared that I’m hating the holidays this year. They were always my favorite time.
Lame November 14, 2006
My stupid fucking bank is holding a deposit I made hostage! My mom wrote me a check to pay off my credit card last week and they have put it on hold until, of course – the day after the payment is due, tomorrow. They didn’t bother to notify me. I just got something in the mail about it yesterday! The notice says that they can’t guarantee that the bank will pay…yet the check cleared with my mom’s bank the fucking day after I deposited the check. Has this ever happened to anyone? I need to go talk to them today and unless they can guarantee that this won’t happen again, I’m closing the account. It’s stupid that I will be responsible for the late payment on the credit card when I was responsible enough to make the deposit way before I needed to send it out.
October 25, 2006 October 25, 2006
I’m sad to see Jenn go. I’ve been following her blog since I started writing on Diaryland close to 7 years ago. I’ve been missing from the blogging world lately and usually just kept up with her writings on Livejournal, so I didn’t see any of the comments that made her decide to shut everything down. I do remember the comments that were left when she was pregnant with Alyssa and they were appalling. Bullshit or not, I can’t believe anyone would say the things that were said about her and her family. Sometimes I’m blown away by how unsafe the internet can really be no matter how little you say about yourself. I always assume that I’m safe because I don’t really willingly give out too much information about myself except for the name of my college.
I submitted my application for graduation last week. It’s so weird to think that I’m in my first semester but I’ll receieve a diploma this spring in the Scopist program. That’s only half of the course I’m taking but I will receive a certification and get to walk with the graduating class. And I’ll be able to do editing work in a court reporting firm. That would be amazing because it would be good money, and I could get my foot in the door with an agency before I even start my internship.
The only thing that could go wrong is if I can’t hit the speeds I need to pass. I love everyone in my class, I enjoy the work and I’m excited as hell about practicing and learning more. The ideal career has been out there for me the whole time that I was discouraged about my future. That really amazes me because I was very depressed about where I would end up in life.
One downside: it’s ruining my spelling. I want to write everything out phonetically.
I got a brand new set of wings October 17, 2006
How do you force yourself to move on when your heart won’t? What is moving on?
Lately I’ve been terrified of that concept. It feels, to me, like moving on means forgetting and that scares me more than moving past something in my life that I don’t want to let go of. Everyday that passes makes the memory fuzzier. It might never really be forgotten but it’s not as fresh a few years later. Eventually it’s just a clip of your life that sometimes you can’t believe you lived.
Those moments hurt but I still want some of them to be fresh in my mind so I can look back and know that I lived them.
I want to be at a place in my life where moving on is growing, not forgetting.
Insanity September 6, 2006
I am able to write the entire alphabet! lol In all seriousness, our goal is the write the alphabet in 7 seconds or less. A few lettets are missing? Letter combinations make up the missing letters. TPH = N, etc.When we write it prints out like this. The first sentence says, “Is that rag wet?” Soon I’ll scan in my own notes so you can see them. I’m not too far beyond “The rag is wet,” but it’s still pretty cool.
I’ve decided that at least by Christmas I should know if this is something I really want and will be able to do (I have to reach a certain speed to graduate/test for a professional title for federal court.) so if not before then I will buy my own machine, and they are pricey. The school provides with machines for as long as we’re in school but we can’t bring them home.
Keep moving on September 5, 2006
I keep typing sentences and deleting them. As I keep doing this over and over it really occurs to me that I don’t know how to express myself anymore. It shouldn’t be this hard, but it is. The past month I’ve been holding on to things because it hurts too bad to let them out, and in a way I don’t want to let them out. On the 14th of August, my aunt who had been suffering from cancer many years passed away. I and most of her close friends were with her. I got to tell her that I loved her, hold her hand and make peace with her circumstances. I don’t think that many people can say that.
My aunt and I weren’t very close until the past 3 years or so (she lived 4 hours away). My uncle died in 2002 and she started spending holidays with us. All I can think of now is that our house is going to feel so empty when Thanksgiving gets here. It hurts me so much that I don’t want November to get here. I want to rewind to shopping all day on the day after Thanksgiving, the kitchen the was always too crowded with 4 cooks, talking and drinking coffee all day. She’s gone but I will still be expecting her. In a way, I don’t ever want to get used to holidays without her because I want to remember those times so vividly.
That’s all I have. There is so much more I could fill up this entry with but they would just be words. She and her life were beyond words. She touched everyone she ever came in contact with and she smiled through the hardest and most painful days of her life. She is truely where she belongs now and no matter who you are, if you knew Peggy – you believed that too.
