A little rant May 30, 2006

This may be a no-brainer for some of you but Rimmel has to be the crappiest makeup I’ve ever used. I stopped one morning before work to buy an emergency tube of mascara and ended up with their Volume Fash mascara. I’ve never had such clumpy eyelashes in my life!!! I have to wipe off the wand after every use, it’s sickening to see how much builds up on it. I love think lashes but this crap makes me look like a whore.

Does high dollar stuff really live up to what you pay for it? I’ve always liked Covergirl and haven’t had a problem with clumps.

I have about two weeks left before I leave for vacation and what have I done to workout and get in shape just a little before I have to walk around in a suit in public? Nothing. Ok, well I did some pushups and squats but I know that if I worked out everyday I could look a little different in two weeks. I’m going to lift weights until my legs are noodles today!

I also need to get my ass to the tanning bed. I bought 10 visits to get my skin ready for the beach and I’ve only gone twice. If I don’t hurry I won’t be ready for Six Flags and I’ll get burnt the day before vacation and have to stay inside all week. I’m looking forward to Six Flags but as the 9th gets closer, I realize that I’m going to have to wear shorts. That makes me sad. I want to live where it’s cool enough for jeans everyday!

Though the 2-3 readers who read often might disagree…I think this is the most pointless entry I have ever written.

Oh, pictures from seeing Mat Kearney on Sunday are here if you want to look.

Continuting the last post… my knees are fat May 24, 2006

I’m going to increase the amount of time that I do cardio. I wanted to stick with 30 minutes until I knew that I could push myself more and it’s clear that I not only can but I need to. Since the eliptical has been hurting my knees I’m going to do 30 minutes or so of that on days that my knees don’t hurt and then do yoga for toning. I think that will get me closer to where I want my body to be until I can either join a class/switch gyms to one that has more options and machines.

Right now I’m focused on getting my legs and arms toned because the weather has made it clear that I’m going to be wearing shorts this summer. My problem area is around my knees, actually the inside of my knees. How do you tone/work out that area?? I’ve been doing squats and of course jogging but if anyone knows of anything specific for “knee fat” please leave a comment. I’m Googling “knee fat.”
I’m so excited for vacation! I’m going to splurge at Old Navy on a couple cute skirts/cover-ups to wear while I drink margaritas on the beach. I might never come home…

Frustrated May 22, 2006

I’m getting depressed about weight loss again. It seems like nothing that I do works. Every conclusion that I come to says, “try harder.” But who wants to do that when you’re not seeing results in the first place? I don’t think I’ve lost any weight and I have been trying. I even changed the way I was eating and was doing really well with that…still nothing. The worst time to try and lose weight is when you’re depressed about it. Arg!

To myself, I’ve been doing really well. Running for 30 minutes when I go to the gym and watching my calorie intake. I guess I just need to try harder. I will say that my legs and butt do look different from that evil eliptical machine so maybe I shouldn’t really complain at all. I’m too impatient!

19 days until bathing suit time = the reason I’m freaking out.

Doing what I do best May 16, 2006

I am the only thing holding myself back in life. I keep sitting here doing the same thing day after day, hating my life when all it takes is getting the classes that I need scheduled. How could I possibly feel like any more of a failure? At least if I actually failed the class I’m afraid of I would be failing something that I was doing instead of just dreaming about.

Knowing that I have the power to make myself happy and change my future is powerful. And sad. I’ve always had to be pushed into change what was best for me. Realizing that I really am an adult now and that I’m the only one who can make this decision is scary.

Song for a friend May 15, 2006

It’s probably too early to say “yay” about this but I started Loestrin last night and besides fucking sinus pressure, I’m headache free today! This is very good. It means this might actually work. As much as I don’t really want to be on hormones, this is the lowest dose that I can possibly be on. The one negative thing, the migraine medication and the birth control will cost me $100 a month.

Jason Mraz was really incredible. I could tell he was tired because he wasn’t as goofy and into the show as he was in Nashville but still, amazing. Since Thursday night Nathan has been asking to burn Mr. A-Z after saying that Mraz wasn’t something that he was really into listning to all the time. I think I got him hooked. We were really close and thankfully the girls in front of us were (annoying and bouncy, but) really nice. pictures

Cosmopolotians + salsa = good.
I spent too much money and looked into Jason Mraz’s eyes.
Six Flags in two weeks?
I leave for a real vacation on June 10th!! Beaches, sun, bright lights and rides, sunscreen and sand! Yay!

No doubling back now May 11, 2006

Is there anything that I can put in my water to make it tolerable even just a little? I don’t know why but I can’t stand water at all. I’m on a new medication called Topamax for migranes and one of the side effects is that soda has losts it’s flavor. It basically tastes like flat, burning, fizzy…nothing. And another lovely side effect of the drug is an increased risk of kidney stones, which I’ve had before so I’m trying to drink more water because I’ve been feeling like I could be getting one. I just wish water was a little more fun to drink.

I’m headed to Atlanta tonight and besides the fact that Jason Mraz is waiting to serenade me, I want to go to bed and sleep until tomorrow morning. It was all I could do to crawl out of bed and get to work this morning.

December ‘05

Hey May 8, 2006

I keep going back and forth between not wanting to have a “blog” and wanting to have one…

Nathan graduated from college this weekend!! I can hardly believe it because I still feel so stuck. It’s insane to think that if I had really been focused I could have been graduating too. I’m so proud of him…and jealous too. We spent almost the entire day with his family and then went out for drinks. It was one of the best days we’ve had in months and I couldn’t feel happier.

My dad is doing well. He’s still moving slow but he is missing half of his right lung afterall. We’re back at work full time and this Wednesday in exactly one month we will be leaving for a real week’s vacation!! It’s been about 5 years since my family has gone anywhere together.

Despite everything else, my Aunt has taken a turn for the worst. She has been sick for a long time, first with breast cancer which turned into colon cancer. Now she is in the hospital with severe blood clots that have moved into her pelvis. I don’t even know what to say about her. She shouldn’t have to go through this, she’s been through enough already.

This type of thing really has me questioning life. I don’t understand why people have to die the way they do. Having a family memeber die is bad enough but to watch them go slowly or rapidly downhill for 10 years is enough to crush faith in anything…but actually, she has been told several times that she wasn’t going to live and she did. She could very well make it through this, stranger things have happened to her.