How do you force yourself to move on when your heart won’t? What is moving on?
Lately I’ve been terrified of that concept. It feels, to me, like moving on means forgetting and that scares me more than moving past something in my life that I don’t want to let go of. Everyday that passes makes the memory fuzzier. It might never really be forgotten but it’s not as fresh a few years later. Eventually it’s just a clip of your life that sometimes you can’t believe you lived.
Those moments hurt but I still want some of them to be fresh in my mind so I can look back and know that I lived them.
I want to be at a place in my life where moving on is growing, not forgetting.
There lies your dilemma – You want to grow and not forget. In order to grow, you can’t live your life in the past. I don’t pretend like I know your situation, nor do I pretend to know about getting past things, but I can tell you that I’ve done nothing but live my life in the past. I’m afraid of everything because of something that happened to me when I was a kid, and it hurts. Sometimes, all you can do is hold your breath and dive in the water… you know what I mean? Don’t analyze things… just do them. And if you don’t know what to do, do it anyways.
Gosh, that made horrible sense. I know I’m spouting a lot of stupidity, but I hope it helped somewhat. If you need an ear, I’m always here for ya.